Chapter Fifteen

The Archie/Headcrow/Jeff pile sorted itself out with only a small amount of bickering about who’d won; The general consensus was that I’d in some way cheated, and that said cheating was somehow worse because I wasn’t involved in the slap fight. I pointed out that I was quite literally the focus of the fight, or that at least a part of me had been, so I’d clearly been involved before any of they were, but this was rejected by Headcrow as being unhelpful.
“Soooo.” Anj said, slowly. “How does this next bit work?”
I rolled up my trouser cuff, exposing the stump and broken-off bones. Cleaning out the grass and dirt from my landing took a few moments, and I looked back and forth between the stump and my severed leg.
“OK, on you get!” I declared, pointing back and forth between the leg and the stump. “Here’s where you’re supposed to be.”
Absolutely nothing happened.
“Come on!” I tried making the sort of noises that sometimes attract cats.
Much like a cat, the leg just sat there, somehow ignoring me.
“What.” Yorick asked. “Are you expecting to happen here?”
“Thought it might work.” I shrugged, then reached out to snag the leg and drag it closer, shuddering at the feeling of touching the inside of my own leg when I accidentally grabbed the severed end. “I figured maybe Jeff’s cartoon logic thing would kick in.”
Pointedly ignoring the huge grin on Jeff’s face, Yorick shook his head.
“No. Sorry, but that’s not how it works; At least not for skeletons, and I guess not for whatever you are. Carribbean Pirate Voodoo Person Zombie?”
“Gonna need to find something shorter than that.” Muttered Anj.
I carefully lined up the ends of my leg bones with the corresponding holes in the stump, took an entirely unnecessary deep breath, closed my eyes, and gently threaded my leg back on, shuddering all the while as I felt the bone slide across flesh. Once the worst of the quite literal flesh crawling sensation died away, still with my eyes clenched shut, I pushed upright and tried to stand, then overbalanced and faceplanted back into the dirt.
There were muffled noises from Anj, Yorick, and Headcrow, but Archie spoke up enthusiastically.
“Balance can be a bit tricky.” Multiple fuzzy arms pulled me upright and got me standing, then gently pulled away. “Try it now. How’s it feeling?”
“It’s odd.” I opened my eyes to see everyone staring intently at me, for some reason maintaining direct eye contact. “I can feel the bones pushing against each other; Didn’t feel like that before.”
I flexed my knees a bit, tried bouncing on my toes, and would have fallen again if Archie hadn’t grabbed me.
“That felt so strange.”
I looked down at my leg.
At the back of my leg. And my own heel.
The group collapsed into laughter. I merely collapsed when Archie let go and fell onto his back, rocking back and forth, giggling.

Once it was turned the right way around, my leg slid back together with much less of the unpleasant flesh crawling sensation, though the noise of bones dropping into place did feel like fingernails on a blackboard. I grimaced, wiggled my toes, then put my feet side by side and wiggled them in unison.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I asked, admiring my properly oriented feet.
“Waiting for you to notice.” Anj offered. “And then you just jumped into action without opening your eyes … “
“And we got caught up in the moment.” Continued Headcrow.
“And after you fell Archie stopped us from speaking.” Said Yorick, grinning at Archie’s attempt to look innocent.
“Don’t blame me; I’m a giant spider.” He protested. “We don’t have feet! How was I supposed to notice?”
We all stared at him.
“Yeah, fair enough.” He grinned. “What’s the point of having eight limbs if you can’t shush a bunch of people and hold someone up at the same time? Especially for a good joke?”
I perched on a nearby gravestone and started trying to poke the reassembled cord through the holes in my leg, gently wiggling it through while stretching & twisting the dry flesh to make the parts line up. While it didn’t feel nearly as bad as the bone had, it was still an unpleasant sensation, which must have shown on my face.
Anj started going through her pockets, muttering about craft supplies, but gave up after a few minutes.
“Sorry.” She shrugged. “I’d have thought that a sewing kit or something to fit the theme, but apparently Halloween Cartoon Land disagrees.”
Yorick shot out an arm and held up his palm right in front of Jeff, blocking the grin that was forming.
“Don’t.” He grated. “Just … Don’t. It’s bad enough that your explanation worked when one rooted in reason and philosophy failed, but with the Moon thing too?”
Yorick slumped.
“I’d just like to get through the rest of the night without any more cartoon anything. Or Werewolf smugness.”
Jeff nodded, suppressing his grin with an obvious struggle.
“Sure thing, Yorick.” He replied. “And on the bright side, we should be done, shouldn’t we?”
Headcrow clambered to the top of the obelisk and looked around, then called down to us.
“Looks like it.” He gestured around at the boneyard. “Looks like everyone is heading for the Mansion, and I can’t see any red trails.”
At the sight of four puzzled faces, he continued.
“We found that the trails fade when the person is found; Made it way easier in the Mansion Vaults, I’m told.”
Headcrow jumped back down and crouched over, peering at my leg.
“So once we get that thing reattached, you can go meet up with everyone.” He reached out and made a little grabby-pinchy motion with impossibly thin twig fingers. “I can probably grab the end if you can get it close enough to the surface.”
The sensation of something grabbing around inside your leg, trying to pinch a cord and draw it through a ragged hole, turned out to be remarkably unpleasant. Still not as bad as ‘waking up in a coffin which is actually a casket’ or ‘realising that you accidentally turned a co-worker into a Morlock’, but unpleasant enough that you’ll look for anything to distract yourself. I was idly reading inscriptions on headstones, tracing the paths between graves, adjusting the tension on the stitches already in place; Anything to distract from thin pinchy fingers inside my calf. Tiny fragments of red still glittered in a few places, not yet faded, and as Headcrow let out a triumphant “Got It!” and dragged the cord through the last hole, finally dragging my leg back together, I managed to figure out how to link the fragments into a coherent path.
I looked up from tying my leg securely back into place to see Anj staring intently at the same fragmented path, for some reason squinting at it. Archie scuttled across to look over her shoulder.
“It’s funny that those bits haven’t faded.” He commented. “All the rest …”
“Aye, all the rest have.” Anj continued. “And they almost make a trail.”
I cleared my throat, unnecessarily, and pointed, tracing the path I’d figured out.
“It makes one from down here; Goes around the stones, but I can’t follow it past the obelisk.”
“Could be a leftover from your first attempt?” Yorick suggested, following the red sparkles. “Though that path …”
“That’s where I was standing.” Said Anj. “Big clump of red hit me; Looks like some got through though?”
“I assumed it was heading for you.” I said, clambering back upright and jumping up and down a few times to test my restored leg. “But … Maybe not? Maybe we’re still missing someone?”
We discovered that following the trail while standing was nearly impossible, but things got easier when I dropped to a crouch, and then to a crawl. Behind me, the rest of the group followed.
“I’ve got a question.” Jeff started. “And I solemnly swear it’s not about Cartoons or Werewolf Stuff.” He added quickly after a groan from Yorick.
“I Solemnly Swear I Am Up To No Good.” Anj and Archie and I intoned, unhelpfully.
“Ignore them; It’s a children’s book reference.” Jeff continued. “Something about a school for magic and a kid with a scar? But it’s a good line.”
“It’s Harry Potter.” Said Archie with an incredulous tone. “It’s a modern classic.”
“Despite what the author did afterwards.” Anj muttered. “How do you know the line but not the name?”
“Anyway.” Jeff continued, ignoring them. “What if the Voodoo Zombie People thing tried to work, but the aim was off? Is that a thing?”
The sound of a skeleton stroking their chin in thought, it turns out, is a reasonably distinctive sound, even when the backdrop is a giant spider and a painted skeleton lady quoting lines from movies.
“You’re suggesting that the trail is weaker because … ” Yorick said slowly, thinking aloud. “The sympathetic elements don’t match the target?”
“Or don’t match them enough.” Confirmed Jeff. “I don’t remember exactly, but wasn’t there something in there about being connected to our new zombie bloodhound here?”
“I heard that!” I yelled back, my face just above the ground, crawling into the gap between a couple of vaults.
“And you’re proposing that this person isn’t connected?”
“Yeah! Or isn’t connected well.” Jeff replied. “Hey! Was there anyone …”
“How The Hell Are You Doing That!?” Anj yelled, interrupting him.
I froze in place and looked back over my shoulder at her, down the gap between the vaults. She was staring in horror, Jeff and Archie had looks of confusion, and only Yorick and Headcrow seemed unconcerned.
“Doing what?” I asked. “I’m climbing through here to follow the trail. Didn’t want to risk losing it.”
“Look at where your feet are.” She demanded. “Then where the rest of you is.”
Headcrow gave a low chuckle.
“Guess we can add something to the list of Voodoo People Zombie things.”
After looking around, I could see her point. My feet were flat on the top of the vaults on either side of me. My torso was sideways in the gap, both hands somehow on the ground. My chin had been just above the ground, looking forward, but was now looking back at an angle I’m pretty sure wasn’t possible for anyone with a spine.
“It it bad that this is weirdly comfortable?”