Chapter Nine

Between the four of us, we got the casket stood on the correct end and the lid unscrewed.
There was a long pause as Yorick, Jeff, and I tried to get one of the other ones to coax the inhabitant out, broken by a muttered “Oh For Fuck’s Sake” from Archie, who pushed in front of us and made a throat-clearing noise.
“Hey there, you in the box? You feeling ok?”
The lid creaked very slightly open, then slammed shut again with a muffled scream.
“I’ll take that as a maybe.” Archie continued. “And I’ll level with you; Things are a shambles out here, and there’d normally be this whole introduction thing, but we can’t do that right now, so we’re kinda making it up as we go along.”
A long pause. The casket lid opened slightly, and a dark eye in a pale face peered out of the gap.
“But you’re in no danger here. Nobody means you harm; They might be a bit useless right now,” Archie glanced at me, and I raised a finger in response. “But there are no bad guys here.’
The casket giggled, the lid creeked open a bit more, revealing a strip of porcelain white face with colorful markings.
“Are you the giant spider, the skeleton, the werewolf in cargo shorts, or the cadaverous looking guy flipping the bird who … Looks a whole lot like a dehydrated version of one of the analysis people?”
There was a hint of an accent there. A familiar one.
“I’m the spider.” Archie waved, then gestured to the rest of us. I tried to look nonthreatening, and began to understand why Headcrow & Yorick & Jeff had looked so awkward; There’s not a lot to work with when you look like a dehydrated castaway corpse and amateur craft project.
“The skeleton is Yorick.” Archie continued. “The werewolf is Jeff, and the cadaver is … Actually, what the hell is your name?”
“All that criticism you were handing out, and you don’t know his name?” Jeff facepalmed. “This is … Uhhh …”
Jeff scratched his head, and Yorick looked thoughtful, while Archie somehow hung a smug look on his face.
“Maybe it never came up?” I offered. “No big deal. I’m … “
Total blank. My name’s right there, but I can’t quite find it. It’s just out of reach.
“I can’t remember it either.” Came the voice from the casket. “I know I know it, because I’m pretty sure I recognise you from a breakout session during one of those remote working calls, but … I can’t remember your name.”
I stopped trying to think of my own name for a moment as a memory hit. A company called that dragged on, with breakouts to discuss things we knew damn well wouldn’t be listened to or acted on, so we spent most of the time chatting and complaining about a wasted day.
“Anj?” I asked. “From the IT team? We spent most of the breakout sessions talking about TV shows we’d been watching because the questions were so stupid?”
“Aye, that’s right.” The casket opened wider, and a skeletal figure in a long white dress leaned out, her face painted with flowers. “Most of them came down to ‘what other option is there?’, and the whole thing was a waste of time. I’d rather have been working.”
I saw Yorick lean over & mutter something to Jeff, who looked startled, then put his head on one side and looked me over with a thoughtful expression. His lips moved as he seemed to be trying out different things to say, then rejecting them.
“Come on.” Archie prodded him with a leg. “This is your thing, surely?”
Anj leaned towards me, her eyes on the Archie/Jeff/Yorick grouping, and spoke out of the side of her mouth.
“So, what’s going on? This is a dream or hallucination or something, right?”
“No idea.” I shrugged. “I woke up in a box, same as you, and got dug up by Jeff and Yorick and a scarecrow with a jack-o’-lantern for a head. They all say it’s safe here, but … I don’t know if it’s real?”
“Last thing I remember before the box.” Mused Anj. “Was the meal at that new restaurant. There was a bright light, and the front window exploded towards me.”
“I remember the bright light and a loud noise, but not the window thing.” I tapped my finger against my lips in thought, then stopped because the cords holding my mouth closed felt really weird. “But maybe that’s because I was right next to it and got hit by it?”
“James was opposite you, and you said he’s here too, and I was four or five seats along, so …” She trailed off and looked around. “Is everyone else here too? Buried out there?”
“James and Headcrow – That’s the scarecrow who dug me up with Yorick and Jeff – They found someone over at the mansion.” I pointed across the boneyard. “But I don’t know who.”
I pointed at the gravestone.
“Only found you because of the Spicy King mug; I didn’t know you liked that one.”
“I don’t.” Anj grinned. “But I do enjoy annoying one of the sales folks who’s obsessed with it, so I grab it before him whenever we’re on a call together.”
Across from us, Jeff shook his head in frustration.
“I’ve got nothing. Zomtagonist? Zombie Prime? Dave? Nothing fits.”
“Dave.” Archie repeated. “You came up with Headcrow, which admittedly is catchy, and then went with ‘Dave’?”
“Ran out of options.” Jeff shrugged. “It’s not like I do it deliberately, and naming isn’t part of any werewolf story I’ve ever heard about, so I just tried stuff and it didn’t sound right, so I thought I’d try something simple.”
Yorick tried to ignore them and turned to me.
“Look, can we ignore the name thing for the moment?” He asked. “It’s not that it isn’t important, and I suspect it’s probably going to be significant that the primary for the biggest group arrival ever doesn’t have a name and can’t be given one, but right now we still need to find a bunch of people.”
He gestured around at the boneyard.
“Can we deal with that first? What was the idea you’d had? Something offensive and musical, was it?”
Jeff and Archie sniggered as I raised my hands in an ‘Oh Hell No’ gesture. I’d not noticed before, but when my sleeve fell back I saw that the left one was attached at the wrist with what looked like the same giant cross-stitch looking things as my mouth; Some kind of braided cord in a row of large X’s.
“A music video that might be a bit offensive in context. Or maybe just in general.” I shrugged. “But it had someone doing Voodoo stuff with scattering powders, and I remembered your trick with the dust, and I kind of look like a zombie from a Pirates of the Carribbean movie, so … I wondered if there was a way to use that to mark all the graves at once?”
“Probably.” Said Archie.
“That makes sense.” Said Yorick.
“What the fuck?” Asked Anj, then looked thoughtful for a moment.
“That sounds awesome!” Jeff contributed, then looked offended as the other three stared at him. “What? Look at him. Cool Voodoo stuff would be totally On-Brand.”